Couples Counselling, Relationship Issues, Marriage Guidance

Couples Counselling is Complex

Firstly you have two individuals - with different backgrounds, personalities and life skills, who usually have two different agendas as well. And then you have the relationship - which is a separate entity that has its own set of challenges as well.

Individuals come to counselling to change themselves. However, couples  (at the outset!) - come to counselling to change their partners.

The Relationship Specialists use a range of proven couple counselling techniques and strategies to help you understand the dynamics and restore and rebuild your relationship.

As part of the process, real understanding and insight into each other has to be gained, while defensiveness and blame has to be dropped, for real progress to be made.

The Relationship vs The Individual

Sometimes one, or sometimes both, may have personal challenges or issues that are contributing to the relationship issues, and as a counsellor we have to be very thoughtful in how we deal with this. Handled wrongly that person may never come back, resulting in the relationship counselling failing.

International Research

At The Relationship Specialists we have continued to develop and update our Relationship Counselling methodologies and materials over the last 10+ years, and we continue to do so in line with international findings and developments.

We base our relationship counselling methodology on the Gottman model, and we  continue to update our materials and strategies further, based on any new materials as they become available.

The Process

Generally with couples, after meeting together the first time, the next two sessions are individual sessions, where each person can say how they feel without worrying about how their feeings will affect the other person.

We ask that the Relationship Questionairre is filled in which we discuss with you individually. This questionairre then helps set the direction that the counselling will take over the following sessions.

The one-on-one session is also provides an opportunity for the counsellor to speak more directly if required or appropriate.

Areas Of Focus

There are 6 areas that together need to be Explored, Understood and Acknowledged in the process of rebuilding a great relationship.

  1. Miscommunication / Misunderstandings
  2. Poor Response Mechanisms
  3. Differing Needs
  4. Differing Beliefs and Values
  5. Unhelpful Feelings, Emotions and Behaviours (Conscious and Unconscious)
  6. Past Experiences / Childhood

Using discussion, handouts and exercises and working individually as well as together, great results can ensue -

as long as you BOTH truly:

  • Want to rekindle / rebuild the relationship
  • Are willing to listen, understand & accept each other’s frustrations
  • Are open to taking ownership of your part, and are willing to make change
  • Want the other person to be happy and fulfilled
  • Are prepared to learn new skills around accepting differences
  • Agree to let go of the past to enable a great future
  • Are ready to make an effort in helping achieve that

As part of the process we will talk about the past, but the focus has to be on the future.

What we gain from the past are incredibly powerful learnings.

However, trying to make sense or get the other to admit wrong can be detrimental to moving forward.
What is said or felt is an individual’s reality – we must acknowledge and accept that. That is who we are.

Often we must step aside and acknowledge that our feelings and emotions may not be productive to the relationship, and be willing to try to shift our thinking and behaviour.

So often the issues come down to communication - so time is spent understanding what is going wrong, and then identifying techniques to ensure that you can re-establish meaningful and thoughtful dialogue.

There are many articles about relationships in the library on the right. You are welcome to print off and use any that you find useful.

Call us today on 02 998 31391 - we are here to help you.