Living with Narcissism, Co-dependency, Dependent Personality Disorder
or Low Self Esteem
These personality traits are all typical of a person who has experienced pain in their childhood
(abandonment, emotional or physical abuse, loss, made to think they were never good enough, emotional detachment or alcoholic parents)
… and as a result have developed a subconscious protection mechanism.
Generally they will also be in total denial about their unreasonable behaviours – which is the subconscious protecting them from further pain.
Behaviours may include:
controlling, guilt producing, manipulative, confusing, contradictory, selfishness, silence, withdrawal, unreasonableness, focus on self, no acknowledgment of partner’s needs …
As a partner you have three choices:
This solution may be unacceptable as the emotional pain you are experiencing could be causing you to be extremely stressed, sick, anxious and deeply unhappy.
2. Partly Accept
This can however leave you frustrated as well as in pain, as you live in hope, always wishing that they will show some changes while finding it hard to understand why they don’t show some understanding … but often nothing happens.
Be aware that it is often generational, and your children can end up with the same traits.
Sometimes leaving triggers your partner to accentuate these traits in your children.
And finally - take a really hard look at your own responses – is your reaction or defensiveness or desire for them to change causing them to exhibit these traits even more strongly?