People’s beliefs, values and attached emotions are based on past experiences. These experiences are stored in the subconscious (90% of our brain) as mini-programmes and are relayed to the conscious continually as the subconscious makes links with what you are consciously experiencing.
We have around 60,000 subconscious thoughts a day (90% the same as the previous day) – these are often triggered by conscious interactions, and usually have subconscious emotions attached.
When we concentrate with the intention of learning or remembering a chemical called acetlycholine is produced which turns the brain on. However, for the first 7 years of our lives (in particular the first 3) this chemical is permanently present and the brain is permanently “on”.
Therefore, imagine you are 6 years old, your parents fought & one parent moved out? Because you have no previous experience or knowledge, the ‘CPE’ that you store away might be that your parent has abandoned you, that you caused it, that they don’t love you, or you weren’t good enough, etc.
So many beliefs that you formulate as a child can be totally misplaced and untrue:
1. Your parents continually argue disrespectfully – your subconscious programme belief could be that it is perfectly normal for married people to talk to each other this way.
2. One parent is controlling, angry and perhaps abusive, so this behaviour becomes quite acceptable for you in your relationships.
3. Your parents drink a lot, so alcohol seems like a perfectly normal substance for you to use / abuse in later life.
4. One parent is always angry and never shows you love or praise so you feel unloved and unsuccessful, so you become obsessed with being successful … or that you are a failure.
5. A parent only points out how you could do better so you feel you have failed, even when achieving good results. Your low self esteem then makes you very sensitive to criticism.
6. Your parents split up and your belief is that YOU caused it, or they didn’t like you. You would have NO idea that your parents just couldn’t get on.
The opposite can apply too. If your parents and siblings always got on well, when your partner raises their voice, you may not cope as it doesn’t makes sense as the subconscious level. Consequently your reaction’s worse than someone who can yell angrily yet move on easily.
Also note, some people are able to experience bad behaviours in their parents & decide to never repeat them. Sometime they can even end up leaning too far in the opposite direction.
When we are born the Right Brain is predisposed to certain emotional states (genetics) while the Left Brain is almost empty. Like a sponge, it starts soaking up and storing information including every experience. It is how we learn so much in our early years without even trying - e.g. language.
These CPEs are like a huge database, and although designed to protect us, often results in damaging or dysfunctional behaviours - e.g. road rage is the subconscious at work.
So many people struggle with behaviours that are not only destructive, but because they are driven by the subconscious, they are often also in denial, which is also the subconscious protecting them.
For example, abandonment can be a huge issue. It can lead to feelings of insecurity or inferiority. The person then may be very controlling to protect themselves … or alternatively very subservient.
We rarely think about what was going on for our parents or partner for them to be like they are. Often it is history repeating itself. We are all a product of the generations that preceded us.
Look back at your childhood, examining it from an adult perspective, and see what great new understandings and learnings you can gain. Look at situations and people from different perspectives. With understanding and learning, change can not just be possible, but also very easy.