Phones, Email, Social Media, etc

There used to be a time when couples and families talked without interruption. They were fully present. They listened, talked, connected and empathised. They were truly interested in each other.

So what went wrong? Firstly it was the innocuous 'talking' radio. Then TV during dinner time. And the rest is history. Computer games, laptops, iPods, gaming devices, etc, etc – all the way to 'smart 'phones. And the amazing applications that come with them – Email, Text Messages, Facebook, Messenger, Twitter, SnapChat, Instagram, Internet in general.

How smart is it though when it destroys relationships?

Addictive Behaviours
If you have a friend who has a drug, alcohol, shopping or gambling additions you usually say – "how awful for them and their family".

But do you ever look in the mirror?

If any of the following ring true (sorry about the pun) … perhaps you too have an addiction!! But most likely if you do you will be in denial. But given time, your relationship will inevitably suffer, or worse – ?END – as a result.

So …

  • Is your phone constantly at hand or you feel stressed if it isn't?
  • Are you continually checking it for messages or posts?
  • Do you feel you NEED to stay connected so you don't miss anything?
  • Do you feel bad or guilty if you don't respond to your friend's posts?
  • Are you still at work when home, checking and replying to emails?
  • Can it distract you when you are talking to your partner or children?

Ask Yourself
What is more important to you – your partner, your family – or friends or work? What will give you the most pleasure long term? What will you be remembered for – a good partner or parent, or a great employee? What sort of legacy do you want to leave? Will your friends desert you or think less of you if you are available electronically 24 x 7?

The Sad Reality
As couple counsellors we are seeing relationships and families being undermined, disconnected or destroyed more and more as time goes by and phones get 'smarter'?

And by good people who have good intentions and who deep down do care about their partners and families.

But instead of looking in the mirror with honestly, instead they make up excuses, they justify and rationalise behaviours that are destroying their relationships.

The Truth Is
If you fit any of the above – you unfortunately have an addiction. It is an undeniable fact.

You have lost sight of what is truly important to you. You have become selfish - a victim of our amazing age of electronic wizardry. Instead of using it to better your life and your family's life- instead you are slowly letting it destroy everything that you most likely, deep down hold valuable.

So – take a look in the mirror. And make some choices for the better. Right now!!