Looking at Yourself

So often when couples come along for marriage counselling, they are so focused on what their partner is or isn’t doing, they have absolutely no awareness of how their behaviours or responses are contributing or even fueling the situation.

So often a partner behaves in a certain way because they are genuinely afraid of saying how they feel, trying to explain themselves, speaking the truth, voicing an opinion, taking positive action …

What then happens is the other person gets even more frustrated or angry, becomes even more accusatory or confrontational, and a cycle of conflict is initiated, with no apparent way out for either person.

It cannot be stressed enough how important it is for both people in a relationship to truly and honesty step aside and objectively look at their own behaviours and responses.

This is not about laying blame, but really trying to see it from your partner’s perspective. Are your behaviours helping the relationship to move forward in a positive and productive manner, or are they just causing conflict and sadness - paving the way to an untimely end.

It is not an easy thing to do – but both must really examine if what they are doing is conducive to the happy relationship and/or family that they are striving for.

There are many articles on this site that can help you understand the dynamics behind what may be happening in your relationship as well as ways to move forward.

When reading them however, don’t look for behaviours in your partner that match the articles, instead take a deep look inside yourself. Of course your partner will fit some of the articles – everyone does!! This exercise is about self reflection … and the self growth, enlightenment and consequent happiness that can come from that.

Some of the most read articles are:

  • 4 Most Positive and Negative Relationship Behaviours
  • The Cycle of Conflict
  • Acknowledging and Accepting the Differences
  • The Differences between Men and Women
  • A Magic Relationship
  • Fair Fighting
  • Languages of Love
  • Resistance
  • Positive Thinking